Personal Responsibility
Well, actually, the lack of personal responsibility is what makes me crazy. Whether we're talking about obesity or poverty or gun violence or even just a car accident, when people won't own up to their contribution to the problem in any given situation, it really gets under my skin. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everything in life can be blamed on a person's choices or actions. I know sometimes we get dealt an unfair hand, and every step forward results in two steps back. And even when someone is in a bad situation because of their own choices, I still think we should be compassionate and generous. But there is a large percentage of the population (based on the random sampling of people I have observed throughout life) who seem to constantly live out a victim mentality. Everything that is wrong in their life is the result of other people's decisions or the influence of some external thing they had no control over.
Like the person who sues McDonald's because their coffee is too hot or because they are overweight. I just can't figure it out because when I burn my tongue on a cup of coffee, you know who I blame? Myself! When I have a car accident because I wasn't paying attention to the fact that I didn't have a green arrow and should've yielded to the oncoming traffic, you know who I blame? Myself! (That's a true story). Sure it would be nice to pass off that responsibility because then it means that I'm not culpable for my actions and can't be punished or held accountable for anything, but there is this little voice inside me that seems to say, "Hey, you were wrong. Even if it makes you look like a moron, you need to take responsibility for it. That's the right thing to do."
Some people don't seem to have that little voice though, and today my son was one of them. Here's what went down. It was almost rest time, and he was watching Netflix on my iPad. Normally, I make him rest in his bed for about 45 minutes without any books or tv shows or whatever. He never sleeps anymore, but I still like him to get that downtime. Today, however, I was feeling generous, so I told him he could go ahead and keep watching the iPad, but he had to lay in his bed. As he laid down, he asked me to go get his yellow and white cars out of the living room so they could rest with him. I glanced around the room and didn't see them, so I told him we would find them after rest time, but I wasn't going to go digging through all the toys to find them right now.
His response wasn't, "Ok, that's cool Mom. Thanks for checking. I'll just be grateful for this awesome iPad you're letting me continue to watch." No, his response was (in the whiniest voice he could muster), "But I wannnnnnn'tttt the yellow and white carrrssss." So I talk to him about how he's being ungrateful and even offer him a few cars that are lying in his floor (that he was happy to play with yesterday), and then I tell him that he can either lay there with the iPad and the cars I gave him or he can keep whining and being ugly about the cars he wants and lose everything. Well, I'll give you one guess what he chose. (Anyone having flashbacks to my Ungrateful Heart post... clearly the Thankful Leaves didn't completely cure the problem.)
But here's what really got me. In the midst of a small tantrum, after his daddy had to step in and spank him for the way he was speaking and acting, he verbally lashes out at me and angrily says, "I'm acting this way because you took the iPad away from me, Mommy!"
Woah, wait. Excuse me?
So, my dear sweet son, you're telling me that you are pitching a fit, crying, and acting like a hateful little child all because I took the iPad away from you? Let's rewind back to the part where I gave you a choice, the part where I said you could choose the good option or the bad option. Remember that? Remember when you had two clear choices laid out on the table for you by your patient, loving, and merciful mother, and you chose the one that resulted in you losing the good things you weren't thankful for in the first place? That, my child, is what is happening here... you are experiencing the undesirable consequences of the bad choice you made, and you are trying to blame that on me.
But we discussed this together, and it seemed to click in his head that it was his own actions that led him to this unpleasant situation, and then it was like the angry fog cleared and his heart immediately softened. I asked if he wanted to pray to God to help him make good choices and have a happy and thankful heart, and he did. And his little attitude did a complete 180.
So the moral of the story? Yes, there are sometimes bad implications and liabilities that come with accepting personal responsibility, but I think there is also a sense of freedom and a healthy level of control to be found when we acknowledge that we often have the option to choose, the ability to make decisions that lead to good or bad consequences. I'll take personal responsibility over helpless victimization any day.